Do you smile every time you hear a certain song, or light up when you see a certain old friend? They are both what I like to call sparks of happiness.
We need it now more than ever to succeed despite overwhelming challenges, distractions, and current events. Unfortunately, as I wrote in my recent book, The Mentally Strong Leader, there are some days when these moments are difficult to get through.
The key is to bring more sparks of happiness into your life — not by accident, but by choice.
It takes mental strength and discipline to embrace perspectives and make choices that can help bring you happiness, especially when negative feelings and thoughts hijack you.
The most mentally strong people rely on these five mantras, which can provide small bursts of resilience and create sparks of happiness.
1. “It's not what I've lost, it's what I still have.”
In times of adversity, it's easy to focus on what's gone. You may have lost time, money, or resources when something went wrong with that work project. Or you lost your identity when you were laid off from work. Or you lost a hangout friend when your friend moved across the country.
Remember to focus on what you still have that makes a profound difference. Research shows that consciously practicing gratitude improves well-being.
In the above situations, for example, you may be grateful for valuable insights, loved ones with whom you can spend more quality time, a new travel destination, as well as a friendship that you can continue to cultivate over the long distance.
2. “There is no such thing as a perfect path.”
When you second-guess your chosen path or lament that everything didn't go as you hoped, you may get stuck in a negative cycle.
The truth is, there will always be unexpected twists and turns. It's easier to find happiness when you accept the imperfect path and overcome obstacles along the way.
Think of an accomplishment or result that made you happy. You've probably dealt with some adversity to get there.
3. “So be it”
When you're feeling down and someone tells you to “just leave it alone,” it can make you even more upset. It's also bad advice, because you probably won't be able to ignore what happened and how you felt.
On the other hand, you can say to yourself: “So be it.” This means using a form of cognitive acceptance, which is the surest way out of the downward spiral.
Don't try to eliminate a negative event from your psyche or change how you feel about it. Let her sit there. Acknowledge and accept that your feelings are valid reactions and focus on how to move forward in a productive way.
4. “Big picture, small step”
When we struggle in the face of setbacks, we can lose perspective. Small challenges can suddenly seem big.
Saying “big picture, small step” to yourself does two things:
It reminds you of the ultimate goal or vision of the life you want to live and who you want to be. When you think of a setback in the context of the big picture, it shrinks. This can help you identify something small you can do to get back on the path of progress and positivity. This first action can lead to another small step of hope, which leads to another, and so on.
5. “Adversity creates beliefs, not consequences.”
Consider this your own ABC statement, inspired by the ABC model in cognitive behavioral therapy. The idea is to remind yourself that adversity does not automatically mean negative outcomes.
The ultimate outcome of adversity is determined by how you respond to it, and the beliefs you form because of it.
For example, would you believe that a job interview that didn't go well was an irreparable disaster that clearly demonstrates that you're a failure? Or will you believe that it is an opportunity to learn and an obstacle that you will overcome, as happened in other situations in the past?
Remember: “I'll be happy when…” is a trap
It's easy to get caught up in thinking that happiness is a destination, and that if you could just make more money, or achieve one specific thing, you would be happy.
You could say to yourself: “I'll be happy when I finally get that promotion,” for example, or “If I could wear these old jeans, I'd be happier.” Meanwhile, you let the joy go unnoticed as you keep your head down, grinding.
Mentally strong people engage in what I call “griefing,” a practice that lies at the intersection of gratitude and mindfulness. It allows you to notice and acknowledge your gratitude for the small positives, even in difficult moments.
It encourages you to derive happiness from finding and experiencing joy in the world around you, now, every day.
Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning Coach. He is a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran many of the multi-billion-dollar company's largest businesses. He is the author of The Mentally Strong Leader: Build Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors. Follow him on LinkedIn.
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